If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
