I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
