yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
