I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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