I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I deserve this hangover.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
