It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize