I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
