Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
