Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
