$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
