we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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