today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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