6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
