Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
