Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
