somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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