Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
