All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
even my farts smell like vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
