WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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