I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
