tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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