Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
