Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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