Are we in a gay sports bar?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
