Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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