Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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