Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
