hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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