I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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