I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we're so committed to being not committed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
