and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
