Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
