at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
