Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
