In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
