so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
