I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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