I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
