Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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