Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
organizing the empties. That sober.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
