Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
