i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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