porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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