Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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