she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
