ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
