TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
