why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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