the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
