go do what you do best...puke behind churches
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize