you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
