Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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