She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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