We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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