he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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