Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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