That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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