Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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