At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
