I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Blood and glitter go together right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
