I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
