wakey wakey hands off snakey
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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