you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
