I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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