i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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