if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
