I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
