Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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