I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
