I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize