Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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