I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
