So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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