If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
