I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
