I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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