I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
did you just send me my own nude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dicks are not precious.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
