just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
