He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
