That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
