whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
