come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
